Redwings 'not British enough' - rabbits

31st January 2020

Flocks of redwings have been delighting Harrogate residents this winter. These members of the thrush family arrive from Scandinavia in autumn, and feast on berries and invertebrates during the colder months, before heading back north to breed.

Redwings favour holly trees and bushes, for their berries. They have also been taking advantage of the mudflat-like conditions on West Park Stray, seeking out worms and other invertebrates.

Rabbits

But now rabbits are questioning whether redwings have any place here. "They're just not British enough," said a spokesrabbit. "They are eating grass that should be left for fine British rabbits. They have treated Harrogate Stray as their own for too long." It was pointed out that redwings don't eat grass; and that rabbits themselves were introduced to Britain from France by the Normans.

All Britain's racist rabbits said they were against redwings coming into the country, but that definitely doesn't mean it is a racist project to exclude the migrant birds. Lots of rabbits hate redwings for perfectly honourable reasons.

"This isn't about racism or xenophobia," said the rabbit porte-parole. "We want to exclude the redwings as a sign of peace, prosperity, friendship and punctuation."

Kookaburras

"Anyway, more kookaburras should be able to come here." It was pointed out that kookaburras live miles away in a different climate, and wouldn't be able to fly here or survive the winters; and the redwings aren't stopping kookaburras coming here now.

Conservative & Brexit Party

A local Conservative & Brexit Party representative said, "I thought I liked redwings, but then I heard about a show of hands at RSPB Stoke-on-Trent. They voted the redwings out. I have to respect the wishes of the Potteries Birders."

Redwings present this winter can choose to be ringed, in which case they will probably be allowed back next winter - or maybe not. Other redwings will be shot if they return.

"Shooting the redwings shows just how much we value thrushes, and demonstrates Britain's determination to be a world-class location for avian conservation," announced Downing Street with a barely concealed smirk.

Swifts and swallows

There will be repercussions for swifts and swallows, who may no longer be permitted to leave the UK at the end of the summer. Their interests are considered irrelevant by the Conservative & Brexit Party, and have been disregarded.